Sry I called you an 8
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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