My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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