I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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