i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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