All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We are two peas in an std pod
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
