I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
