i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
