White coat. Heels.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
