I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize