butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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