I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
