1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
