Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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