i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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