I have demons in me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
