Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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