I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize