i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
