there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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