its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize