I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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