NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
