I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
