Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
