well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
