There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
