i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
