How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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