1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
