can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
