he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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