i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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