Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
