I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
