Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize