He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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