Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
