She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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