You're my little dorito
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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