I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
