Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
