my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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