He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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