i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
