He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
