You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
