This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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