I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
