Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So squirting runs in the family.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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