you have to choose: penises or morals?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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