I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
