Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
