During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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