I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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