chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I love you.
Bad choice
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