fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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