I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
