drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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